I’ve always loved the holidays. But they can be difficult too. We can put a lot of stress on ourselves to make everything perfect for everyone!
In my experience, the holidays are actually a bit like a magnifying glass. Everything you are usually dealing with becomes heightened. So for example, if you are dealing with grief or loss, it can be magnified during the holidays. Or if you’re dealing with loneliness, it can be magnified. Food temptations are everywhere. Alcohol is everywhere.
So today Marchelle and I wanted to talk about some of the common triggers that come up for people as they are trying to navigate their way through the holidays… tune in as we give you tips and strategies to make sure this holiday is a good one for you!
Episode Highlights:
3:54 Holidays are a little bit like a magnifying glass. Everything that you are dealing with typically becomes heightened at the holiday season. If you're dealing with grief or loss it can be magnified during the holidays, or if you're dealing with loneliness, it can be my magnified. And then of course there's magnification of food. Food temptations are everywhere, and alcohol is everywhere.
7:34 Have a conversation with the people that you've considered to be ‘food pushers.’ Have a conversation with them in advance and let them know that you've discovered that holiday treats are actually making you sick and you want to avoid them this year. You'll be politely declining those kinds of treats. That doesn't mean that you don't love them or anything like that. It just means that you're trying to protect your physical body from harm.
28:23 Make sure that you follow your normal routines as much as possible. This can be really sort of challenging if you are entertaining house guests, or if you are a guest in someone else's home but do the best you can to get the sleep that you need. Make sure you're eating regular meals. Don't be skipping any meals, drink plenty of water.
Do the best you can to stay consistent because the more consistent you are with your routine, the more empowered you're gonna feel. And, the more control you'll have over your thoughts and the better you're gonna feel.
--- Full Raw Transcription Below ---
Dr. Angela Zechmann (00:00):
You are listening to the, keep the weight off podcast with Dr. Angela episode number 47.
Introduction (00:07):
Welcome to The Keep The Weight Off podcast, where we bust all the dieting myths and discover not just how to lose weight, but more importantly, how to keep it off. We go way beyond the food and we use science and psychology to give you strategies that work. And now your host, Dr. Angela Zechmann.
Dr. Angela Zechmann (00:27):
Hey, welcome to the podcast, everyone. It is December 22nd. And for those of us who celebrate Christmas, there are only a few days left.
Marchelle (00:42):
Oh, I'd have to say I'm a little stressed.
Dr. Angela Zechmann (00:44):
Marchelle (00:48):
Last minute to do anything. So yeah.
Dr. Angela Zechmann (00:50):
Well, we don't wanna assume that everybody who's listening to the podcast celebrates Christmas because not everybody does, but it is kind of a crazy time for those of us who do celebrate Christmas. So
Dr. Angela Zechmann (01:53):
We can put a lot of stress on ourselves and especially those of you podcast listeners who are women, we, and to put a lot of stress on ourselves to make everything perfect for everyone. I know I am very, very guilty of that when my kids were little, I always wanted to have the holiday decorations up. I wanted to get the perfect gifts. I wanted to make the perfect holiday meal. I just wanted everything to be per perfect. Like I was the Christmas perfectionist
Marchelle (02:43):
Dr. Angela Zechmann (03:44):
Do you?
Marchelle (03:48):
Oh, good for you. I mean, it makes it a lot more fun and a lot more stressful.
Dr. Angela Zechmann (03:54):
That's funny. Well, you know, in my experience, holidays are a little bit like a magnifying glass. So everything that you are dealing with typically becomes heightened at the holiday season. So for example, if you're dealing with grief or loss it can be magnified during the holidays, or if you're dealing with loneliness, it can be my magnified. And then of course there's magnification of food.
Marchelle (05:35):
I don't really know. I don't know. Cause I, don't not really sure why. I mean like my husband's grandmother and my mother and a lot of the women in my family, like during the holiday season, they make like five kinds of fudge. Mm-Hmm,
Dr. Angela Zechmann (06:04):
It's their way of making people happy, you know, it's their way. It's love. Remember these it's so yeah, these foods give people, dopamine hits and they make you happy. So and then, you know, if, if you've been indulging over the years and over the years and thanking them for it and all of that, well, of course they're gonna repeat the behavior. Like you trained them
Marchelle (06:28):
Right. I mean, and this has become tradition too, cuz like the holiday, you know, the sugar cookies, the frosted cookies that you make yeah. With, you know, all the cutout cookies and you, the kids and you know, it's just, it's, it's just a thing and it makes the holidays special or the gingerbread houses we used to make those mm-hmm
Dr. Angela Zechmann (06:56):
Well, I, I'm not gonna suggest that we necessarily need to break the traditions. Here's what I'm gonna, I just want to help our listeners reframe this. Cause I don't think that they're necessarily food pushers, per se. There are people who want to bring joy and they know that it's a tradition and they know that it's a joyful tradition, but let's say that we decided that we wanted to train them differently. Let's say we wanted to train them that candles make us happy than they'd be giving us candles. Right.
Marchelle (07:34):
I love candles.
Dr. Angela Zechmann (07:34):
Marchelle (08:45):
So I was just like thinking about this and I feel like, well, I guess, especially before I started working with you, mm-hmm,
Dr. Angela Zechmann (09:52):
With you. They
Marchelle (09:53):
Don't work with you. So they don't, they don't know this stuff. Yeah. So they're still stuck in, you know, the mm, the way of thinking of mm-hmm
Dr. Angela Zechmann (10:23):
It can be, it can be hard. So, you know, it's imagine we used to give, like when I was a kid and I'm gonna really date myself this is before we knew how harmful cigarettes were, we would give our aunts and uncles, we would make ceramic Ash trays in girl Scouts. And then we would give our aunts and uncles, Ash trays for Christmas. Everybody smoked,
Marchelle (10:46):
Totally made Ash trays for my family when I was kid too.
Dr. Angela Zechmann (10:49):
Mm-Hmm
Marchelle (11:43):
Right. You know, ads like good in the fifties were like pregnant women were smoking. It's like, it's not a big deal. And yeah. So I totally understand what you're saying about mm-hmm
Dr. Angela Zechmann (11:56):
Yeah. And it will happen. It it's, it will happen, but it's just taking some time and we have a, you know, we've got the sugar industry that's completely against us and they're using, of course they're using the holidays as a way of, of pushing us to eat more sugar as well. So just be aware. I really think that the most important thing is that we are not standing in judgment of people who are you know, wanting us to have treats. There are some people who are food pushers, but I'm not sure that they're the major of people. I think the majority of people are just following traditions and they want other people to be happy. You know?
Marchelle (12:40):
Definitely. I agree.
New Speaker (12:42):
It can really help to reduce a lot of stress for you. If you just try to think of these people who like, you just want everyone to be happy around the holidays and then, and you say, no, thank you.
Dr. Angela Zechmann (12:56):
Dr. Angela Zechmann (13:09):
The next thing that I want to address as a trigger is difficult. So the holidays can bring a lot of memories. Perhaps you suffered abuse as a child and the holidays are hard, or perhaps you're grieving the loss of a loved one, or perhaps there's been a recent divorce, or perhaps you're just feeling lonely. None of these emotions feel good at all. And then you see these commercials on TV and you hear all of these, you know, wonderful stories of people having so much togetherness and joy and love at the holidays. And the holidays just really highlight and magnify the difficult feelings that you have. And this can cause you to feel sorry for yourself and eat to comfort yourself.
Dr. Angela Zechmann (14:03):
So I just wanna address this because I have had some difficult holidays in the past and, and it can be really hard. And I think last year was, was really hard for a lot of people. I spent the entire holiday completely alone last year. Cause cuz of COVID like I was not going to be getting together with people. I just, I just said, no, none of it. I'm gonna be by myself. And it was hard. So I want to, I wanna teach you what to do if you do have some struggles with some difficult emotions over the holidays, because first of all, I want you to know you're not alone.
Dr. Angela Zechmann (14:58):
The first thing is you just become present with yourself. So if you can, I want you to imagine that your spirit is coming out of your body and your watching yourself. And you're observing yourself from a witness position. This takes a shift in perspective. Do you, can you understand what I mean by that Marchelle? Do you get that?
Dr. Angela Zechmann (15:24):
Like you're shifting your perspective. …
Marchelle (15:25):
I would like what I see
New Speaker (15:29):
Well you just ask yourself what emotion is this that I'm feeling and you ask yourself what am I, what are the physical sensations that I'm feeling? So you describe the physical sensations that you're feeling. Maybe there's like a empty feeling in your chest, or maybe your heart's beating a little bit fast or maybe, you know, you're feeling something in the pit of your stomach. So ask yourself, what are the physical feelings?
Dr. Angela Zechmann (16:00):
And then see if you can name the emotion that you're feeling. Just, you know, maybe it's sadness, maybe it's disappointment. Maybe it's loneliness may, maybe it's jealousy, maybe it's anger. Maybe it's grief, just naming the emotion can be really, really comforting. And the reason that that is is because when you're naming the emotion, you're using a different part of your brain to name the emotion than the part of your brain, that's actually feeling and generating the emotion. So it helps you to not be so identified with it. Does that make sense, right? Yeah. Yeah, it does. The second piece of self-compassion is to yourself that all people suffer. So remind yourself that you are not alone in your suffering. And the question I always like to ask myself is I wonder how many other people in the world are feeling like this right now.
Dr. Angela Zechmann (17:08):
It can be so comforting to know that you are not alone. That negative emotion is part of the human experience and that other people are feeling that emotion as well. When we, when we feel badly, we have this tendency to wanna isolate, but what can actually serve us really well is to reach out for connection. So call a friend or have a heart to heart, talk with a family member, talk to them about how much you miss your father, for example, or how the holidays seem to bring out feelings of loneliness. Don't worry about being a Debbie downer. You're not asking them to fix you because you don't need to be fixed. You're just reaching out for connection. Okay. So when you're feeling a negative emotion, there's nothing wrong with you and you don't need to be fixed
Dr. Angela Zechmann (18:46):
Yes, those are the three steps. So just a little review. So the three steps of self compassion. If you notice that you're feeling a negative emotion, the first thing is to go into the witness position and observe yourself and name the emotion that you're feeling. The second step is to remind yourself that all people suffer and that there's nothing wrong with you. And that other people suffer as well and reach out for a connection with another person or other people. And then the last piece of it is kindness being super, super kind and gentle with yourself and being your own best friend. So that is how to manage negative emotions without eating your way through them.
Marchelle (20:21):
I think that's such good advice because I know that social media and you know, all those kind magazines and all that. Yeah. They really portray this picture of this perfect or what, you know, what everybody should have and none of it's real. Yeah. And I haven't, I mean, I haven't seen a single person that actually has a Christmas or a holiday or gets through a holiday that looks like the holiday that's in, you know, the Martha Stewart magazine
Dr. Angela Zechmann (21:40):
Special holiday foods right there.
Marchelle (21:41):
Yeah. It's right in front of you.
Dr. Angela Zechmann (22:01):
Well, you know, what I would recommend that you do is to think about just make choices in advance to the best of your ability when it comes to food, just make choices in advance. So if you know that there's gonna be a special a special dessert or special holiday treat, maybe it's your grandmother's fudge or whatever it might be. As long as you don't have a brain, that's crazy triggered with sugar like mine you know, plan to have a little treat plan, to have a little something. If you do have a brain that's crazy triggered like mine, then you have to think about that.
Dr. Angela Zechmann (23:13):
Okay. I want to also talk about some of these expectations that we have about other people. I got into trouble with this one year because I, I was trying to manage everybody else's feelings around the holidays.
Dr. Angela Zechmann (24:22):
Okay. you have no control what anybody else thinks, which means, and because our thoughts drive our feelings, you have no control over how anybody else feels either. Okay. So keep all of this in mind. As you're moving through the holidays, they're gonna think what they wanna think, and they're gonna feel, however it is that they feel. And none of that is really in any of your business. So if you think about it like this, it might make sense to sit down with a piece of paper and choose your thoughts in advance. Okay. Figure out how you wanna feel about the holiday and choose thoughts that will allow you to feel that way. So for example, if you wanna feel love at the holiday, what thoughts would allow you to feel love? Just think about that. If you wanna feel this is, this is joyful. Yeah. If you wanna feel joyful, what thoughts are gonna allow you to feel joyful and don't worry about anybody else, let them pick their thoughts. Most people aren't gonna consciously do this. They're just gonna think whatever they think and feel, however they feel they're not conscious about it at all, but you wanna be conscious about it. You choose the thoughts, choose first, the feeling that you wanna feel and then ask yourself what thoughts will allow me to feel that feeling. Okay. So
Marchelle (25:47):
That kinda a hard one for me, because also, you know, during the holidays I do a lot of charity work or, you know, volunteering or oh, good for you. Yeah, I mean, it's just, I guess I just grew up doing that and then mm-hmm,
Marchelle (26:38):
Like for instance, you know, I have some next door neighbors and they're struggling and you know, they have three little kids and I wanna just fix it. I want them to be okay. So I wanna mm-hmm
Dr. Angela Zechmann (27:39):
Yeah. So if you, if you want to be generous, if you wanna feel generous at the holidays, then you can be generous, but just don't try to manage their reactions or their thoughts about it. Makes sense. Yeah. You do it for you,
Dr. Angela Zechmann (28:23):
So I have have a couple of other pieces of advice. And the first one is to just make sure that you follow your normal routines as much as possible. This can be really sort of challenging if you are entertaining house guests, or if you are a guest in someone else's home but do the best you can to get the sleep that you need.
Dr. Angela Zechmann (28:46):
That is huge … sleep - sleep. Make sure you're eating regular meals. Don't be skipping any meals, drink plenty of water. It's easy to blow off your routines when you're traveling, but do the best you can to stay consistent because the more consistent you are with your routine, the more empowered you're gonna feel. And the more control you'll have over your thoughts and the better you're gonna feel.
Dr. Angela Zechmann (29:15):
And then my, my last piece of advice is around alcohol and it's not really gonna be any different than my usual advice around alcohol, which is to decide ahead of time. Okay. alcohol can turn off your prefrontal cortex. Remember that's the part of your brain that knows about your future
Marchelle (30:13):
No. It's a lot of really great stuff to think about. Just it is a whole different perspective on yeah. But see, I'm learning all this stuff, but the rest of my family's not, so it's, it's just a,
Dr. Angela Zechmann (30:27):
But you know what? They don't have to because you don't have to manage them.
Marchelle (30:31):
No, I don't have to manage them, but I do have to be around them. Yeah. So I'm just like here in my head trying to think, you know, how am I gonna have these conversations? Like, cuz now it's gonna be the time to do it. Yeah. Or you know, all of the platters of cookies start coming my way and yeah. You know, and all just all the stress. I don't know. I just think like the holidays have become more stressful for me than anything else. Yeah. Like you said, trying to make everything perfect and the perfect gifts for people or they're just the pressure to perform or you, you have to, you know, you are around a lot more people than usual going to parties. Mm-Hmm
Dr. Angela Zechmann (31:30):
Exactly. All right. Awesome. Well, that's all for today. So for all of our podcast listeners, I hope you have a wonderful holiday, whichever holiday you might be celebrating this season. And next week we will see you back with some tips on setting goals for the new year. So we will talk to you then have a great holiday. Everybody take care. Bye.
Closing (31:54):
Hey, if you really want to lose weight and keep it off for good, your next step is to sign up for Dr. Angela's free weight loss course, where you're going to learn everything you need to get started on your weight loss journey, the right way. Just head over to JourneyBeyondWeightLoss.com/freecourse to sign up. Also, it would be awesome if you could take a few moments and write a review on iTunes. Thanks! And we'll see you in Journey Beyond Weight Loss.
--- End of Transcription ---
Dr. Angela
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