Secrets of Emotional Mastery

April is Emotional Mastery month in our Empowered Weight Loss membership. We have been working all month at understanding our emotions, and learning what they mean and how to manage them without buffering with food or alcohol or anything else for that matter!

I teach Emotional Mastery by first teaching about the emotional scale. Our emotions have a lot of information for us about what’s going on in our souls and when we cover them up by eating (or drinking alcohol), we miss a lot of the messages… and we can’t live authentic lives.

Tune in to today's podcast to learn more about the Emotional Scale and to hear a profound discussion Marchelle and I had… enjoy!

Episode Highlights:

2:58 One of the first things that we want to understand in order to develop emotional mastery is that we have to stop buffering so that we can actually feel our emotions. And the reason is because our emotions have a lot of information for us about what's going on in our souls. And when we cover them up by buffering, we miss a lot of the messages and then we can't live authentic lives

18:53 Figuring out exactly what you're feeling can sometimes be a bit of a challenge. So if you're not sure, just sit down with a piece of paper and a pen and start writing. So get all of your thoughts and feelings out on paper. It's a little bit like emptying out your closet, so that you can examine them, and then you might find something interesting.

20:27 Oftentimes all it takes to feel better is just naming the emotion, because it brings such a sense of relief to have a name for what you're feeling, that it will keep you out of the food or alcohol.

--- Full Raw Transcription Below ---

Dr. Angela Zechmann (00:27):
Hey everyone and welcome to the podcast this week. Hey Marchelle. How are you today?

Marchelle (00:33):
I'm doing great. Hey, Hey everybody.

Dr. Angela Zechmann (00:35):
Yay. Well guess what? April is Emotional Mastery Month in our Empowered Weight membership. So we've been working all month at understanding our emotions, learning what they mean and how to manage them without buffering with food or alcohol or anything else for that matter. And it's been really great and we're all learning so much. So this is an exciting part of Empowered Weight Loss. I always enjoy teaching emotional mastery. But, just a quick definition for those of you who might not have heard the term buffering before. So buffering is when we put something between us and our negative emotions. So let's say we're experiencing some sort of negative emotion, but instead of going ahead and feeling it, we distract ourselves with something external. And humans use a lot of different things to buffer from eating toxic food products or drinking toxic beverages, to smoking, to using drugs, gambling, vegging with Netflix, getting on social media, watching porn, overworking, over exercising. There are a lot of things that we do to try not to feel our negative emotions and that's what I mean by buffering. Does that make sense?

Marchelle (02:07):
Yes. I just made me think of something I wanted to add really quick here. Okay. So one of my close family members we were talking a little while back and they said, you know, life is just like a series of distractions, you know, to keep you from, you know, the, the Monday, you know, nine to five grind. And it kind of hit me hard in a way that, you know, this person that's like, that was their, their take on life is, is just, you know, trying to distract yourself from all the negativity. Mm. The negative emotions. And so this kind of made me think of that, that, yeah, there's probably a lot of people that think that way, you know, it's just, you just need to keep on trying to distract yourself from, you know, any of the, the negativity, you know, mm-hmm, that life brings. So, yeah. I'm glad we're talking about this.

Dr. Angela Zechmann (02:57):
Yeah. Yeah. Well that's one of the first things that we want to understand in order to develop emotional mastery. And that is that we have to stop buffering so that we can actually feel our emotions. And the reason is because our emotions have a lot of information for us about what's going on in our souls. And when we cover them up by buffering, we miss a lot of the messages and then we can't live authentic lives, you know? So let's say someone says something to you and you feel anger, but you were taught as a child that anger's not okay, what are you going to do with that anger? You decide to go eat or drink something. So you don't have to feel the anger. And then you lose the authentic part of yourself that was feeling that emotion, you just lose it. So a lot of us end up having no idea who we are or what we are or what we're about, because we've been so busy, just stuffing our emotions for so long.

Marchelle (04:01):
Oh, that is so me. Like, you're just, you're talking about my life.  

Dr. Angela Zechmann (04:06):
Well, it happens to all of us. Now, I want to say at the outset that this is not our fault. None of this is our fault because remember our primitive brains are all about finding pleasure and avoiding pain. And so avoiding the pain of a negative emotion is hardwired into us at very basic primitive levels. So just remember that we naturally want to avoid pain at all costs and, you know, that's normal and natural, but it's just that it doesn't really serve us all that well if we want to be evolved human beings and particularly if we want to lose weight and keep it off. Right. is that making sense?

Marchelle (04:48):
Right. So, yeah. So I have a quick question. Mm-Hmm so could you tell me this? So your primitive brain, okay, so when, when you're born, does the primitive brain and the executive brain already exist? You just decide to tap into one or the other, or do you have to create the executive brain because you're born with the primitive brain. So like, I don't, I'm not, I don't understand.

Dr. Angela Zechmann (05:12):
Yeah. Okay. So that's a really good question. So we are born with a primitive brain that knows everything to do, to keep us surviving. We, we're also born with a human cognitive brain that is developed. And so it takes our growing up years in order to develop, can fully develop our cognitive brain. And I think I heard it happens at different rates for boys and girls and men and women. And my recollection is that it's like by age 27, at least for girls, I'm not sure what it is for boys. I think it might be around the same age for boys, too, that we are fully developed to the point where we're able to rely on our prefrontal cortex. But all through that time. and this is why adolescence can be so hard because adolescents have opportunities for, to get into all kinds of trouble.

Dr. Angela Zechmann (06:14):
And they don't have the cognitive capacity yet to override their primitive brain that's looking for pleasure and pain, avoidance and comfort in the moment and all of that. So that was, that's a really good question. Okay. Yeah. Right. So, so as we're thinking about this, I teach emotional mastery by first teaching about the emotional scale. So I have developed a diagram of the emotional scale that we'll make available to you in the show notes, so that if you want to download the scale, you just go to jorneybeyondweightloss.com/blog/ 64, which is the episode number and you can download the emotional scale and print it. Now, I recommend printing it in color. I know it's easier to print it and cheaper to print it in black and white, but if you print it in color, the colors are important and then go get it laminated. So then you can have a copy that you can stick on your fridge for reference. It's a really handy tool when you're wanting to go buffer, okay.

Marchelle (07:17):
Yes, we have have it hanging on a refrigerator. Yeah.

Dr. Angela Zechmann (07:20):
we have it all over our office too. So

Marchelle (07:23):
Yes we do. Yeah.

Dr. Angela Zechmann (07:24):
So I'm going to just sort of, you know, a picture's worth a thousand words, but I'm going to try to do less than a thousand words to explain what's in this picture. I want you to envision a set of steps and you're starting at the bottom and going up step by step by step. And each of these steps is an emotional state. So I want you to imagine that the worst feeling emotions are the lowest steps on the bottom and the best feeling emotions are the highest steps on the top. Now the worst feeling emotions are the emotions of powerlessness, victimization, and despair. And guilt, shame, and unworthiness are really down here as well. These emotions feel absolutely terrible. They're directed inwards at ourselves. And basically we are beating ourselves up is what's going on?

Marchelle (08:21):
Guilt is the one that gets me. Yeah.

Dr. Angela Zechmann (08:23):
Yeah. Shame. Yeah. Yeah. Mm-hmm

Marchelle (08:26):
shame. Guilt guilt though, man. It's yeah. That's hard for me.

Dr. Angela Zechmann (08:30):
The next general set of emotions are emotions like jealousy or rage or anger or revenge or blame. Now notice that these emotions are higher on the scale, because what we're doing is we're taking some of our power back and we're directing our negative emotion outwards at other people. So believe it or not, as bad as rage feels, it feels better than self-loathing. Right. Does that make sense, right?

Marchelle (09:00):
Yes.

Dr. Angela Zechmann (09:03):
Then you move up a little bit more. The next set of emotions are the emotions of stress and anxiety. And many of us are living here pretty consistently, especially…….

Marchelle (09:14):
Most American are living it. Yeah.

Dr. Angela Zechmann (09:17):
I, I agree. Especially with the pandemic and now with the war in Ukraine, we're all pretty anxious. And there's been a lot in the news lately about how this is affecting us as a society. And people are much more willing to have physical altercations with each other. And you know, people are behaving very badly on airline flights and there's just a lot of stress and anxiety right now.

Marchelle (09:41):
Yeah. We moved up on the emotional scale as like a whole society now, cause I think everybody was sort of like in despair for a while. Like, oh my gosh, is this ever going to end? Oh my gosh, we're so overwhelmed. And then now we're like getting mad  

Dr. Angela Zechmann (09:55):
Yeah.

Marchelle (09:56):
Were moving up.

Dr. Angela Zechmann (09:57):
that's I hadn't thought of it like that. Maybe you're right. yeah. All right. Next. the next set of emotions are the sort of blah feeling emotions like boredom. And you know, there's not a lot of energy behind boredom. And actually this is where it's pretty easy to shift into a more positive feeling of contentment or peace. So peace is a positive emotion that doesn't have a lot of energy behind it. So think about the, there's a line between boredom and peace or boredom and contentment. That, that is the Deline between the negative end of the spectrum and the positive end of the spectrum. And if you're feeling bored, it's not too hard to move yourself into a state of satisfaction or peace.

Marchelle (10:47):
Really? Cause I feel like there's an elevator between boredom and peace.  

Marchelle (10:52):
Like a, like a seven story elevator, cause for me, boredom is a is more of like an action or a or a, oh, let me think. How would I explain it? Boredom for me is I feel more restless mm-hmm , you know, when I'm bored and then that a lot of times leads to like some sort of action, you know, like of some sort of a bad behavior, like trying to find change that. And it usually doesn't lead to peace for me, it usually led to like distraction, like we were talking earlier, like some kind a distraction because you get bored mm-hmm and I want to distract myself from the boredom. So that's when I start eating snacks at work. Yeah. Yeah. So I shouldn't be eating. Right, right. So, so moving forward,

Dr. Angela Zechmann (11:36):
So that's not you

Marchelle (11:36):
Moving it's a little hard,

Dr. Angela Zechmann (11:38):
Well you're not actually moving from boredom to peace if you're using snacks.

Marchelle (11:42):
Oh no, no. I'm just buffering. See that's right.

Dr. Angela Zechmann (11:44):
Exactly.

Marchelle (11:45):
So that's what I'm saying. I feel like there's an elevator, you know, that you have to take to get to peace because it doesn't just, it's not like, oh, I feel bored. I'm going to do peace now. You know? Right. Well,

Dr. Angela Zechmann (11:54):
I'm

Marchelle (11:54):
Bored. I'm going to eat some snacks while I'm working. cause I'm bored.

Dr. Angela Zechmann (11:57):
 

Marchelle (11:58):
and yeah. And that's where I get stuck. Yeah.

Dr. Angela Zechmann (12:01):
So moving from boredom to peace takes a shift in your thinking because thoughts are what create emotion. So this is what we teach in the Empowered Weight Loss Membership, because figuring out what thoughts you're thinking that are creating boredom is, there's a little bit of a technique there and figuring out what thoughts to think to help create contentment or peace. So you can actually shift at that stage though. You can make that shift. It'd be very hard to go from thoughts of self loathing to thoughts of peace or contentment. I always say you can't make quantum leaps on the emotional scale, but you can make small incremental leaps. Okay.

Marchelle (12:44):
Yeah. Def definitely. I think you know, we all, we have to also take into consideration, you know, people's like if people are suffering with, you know, like what ADHD or, you know, mm-hmm, other, other medical issues, which mm-hmm for me, I feel like I have some undiagnosed ADHD going on and that's why like I sit at boredom a lot. Mm-Hmm because my mind goes a lot faster, you know, and I like to hurry up and get things done. Right. And then mm-hmm, , I'm sort of sitting there waiting mm-hmm and this is, you know, this happens well, cause we spend lot of time at work. So I'm just using work as like an example mm-hmm , mm-hmm , you know, because my, my, my job is definitely not boring. I'm sure everybody knows that my mind works in a way that I create an environment where I get bored a lot because I hurry things along and then I'm sort of waiting for the next thing to happen.

Marchelle (13:31):
Mm-Hmm and waiting period. When I get bored is when I'm like, oh what's in the fridge or like, what's that, you know, I'm bored. I need, I want a snack. I want, you know, I just ate mm-hmm , you know, ate dinner, but right now I'm bored. So, you know, I want a snack. So mm-hmm so boredom is, for me personally, is, is a huge a huge emotion for me, I guess. I don't know. I never thought it was an emotion before. I thought it sort of state of mind. Yeah. But yeah, so that's, that's a challenge for me as well. Yeah,

Dr. Angela Zechmann (14:00):
Yeah. Yeah. You're not alone. I guarantee you right. You're not alone. All right. So let's say, let's start, let's go with a positive emotional side now. So let's say we're at contentment. What happens if you, you move up from contentment, you get optimism and hope. Okay. These emotions feel really good actually. And when they gather momentum, then you actually begin to have like a sense of knowing and a sense of passion and excitement, right? And then the highest end of the emotional scale is this sense of pure love and joy. And this sense of being at one with all that is. That's the high end of the emotional scale. So knowing the range of emotions is imperative if you want to end buffering with food or toxic beverages and keep your weight off without returning to some other sort of buffer like gambling or shopping, which we sometimes see people do, if they're no longer eating, but they haven't learned how to manage their emotional life. Does that making sense?

Marchelle (15:11):
Exactly. I've seen that. Yes. I've seen more than, than I could even say. With our patients where we sort of transfer it's another thing we sort of transfer mm-hmm you know, one one type of buffering mm-hmm for another, that seems more like acceptable mm-hmm and, and I myself have done that. I mean like many times, and I didn't even know I was doing it. Right.

Marchelle (15:34):
We don't that's, that's how our primitive brain tricks us so easily. Yeah. Is that it wants that dopamine hit and it wants to feel safe and it wants to feel content. And so, but, but not, not the kind of content that we're talking about, the emotions, so just content like, oh, I just satisfied an urge kinda. Right. Yeah. And which is, you know, which is it's it's self-serving and, and, doesn't last very long. I mean, like, you know, getting a dopamine hit is great for a second, but it just doesn't last very long. And then to the next thing. Right, exactly. So yeah. Mm-Hmm so yeah. Yeah. So, so then we, so then I of like said, okay, well, I can't do that. You know, can't have snacks cause I'm not supposed to be doing that. So then I'll find myself shopping and find stuff that I, I walk out Target and I'm like, what the heck just happened? Like what, why did I do that? I even called you when I've done that. And I'm like, what, why did I do all that? And you said, oh, it's buffering. And I was like, wait a minute. What?

Dr. Angela Zechmann (16:33):
Yeah. It happens all the time.

Marchelle (16:35):
Yes. You need to be careful. Cause your brain is just going to keep trying to, to, to trick you mm-hmm on these on these different levels when you're trying to move up the emotional scale. Cause mine certainly has. So yeah. Just something to watch out for.

Dr. Angela Zechmann (16:47):
Yeah. Yep. Over shopping over Netflixing over, Yeah. over Face Booking, all ways of buffering. Yeah. So, so how do you use the emotional scale? So let's say that as a podcast listener, you went and you downloaded the emotional scale and you printed it up in color and you laminate it and you've got it on your fridge. Now what? The first thing that I want to say is that there are a lot of nuances. And if you really want to understand this in depth, join our Empowered Weight Loss Membership so that you can, because I can't teach it to you all in a podcast. But I'll give you some of the basics right now. If you find yourself wanting to buffer, the first thing to do is to ask yourself, what emotion are you feeling now? Now, here's something really interesting. Brene Brown, who's the famous researcher on shame, you may have heard of her, you may not have heard of her. But she has a, she has an HBO special out right now called Atlas Of The Heart, which is actually really good. If you want to develop some emotional awareness, she did a survey of 7,000 people. And I am remembering what she said in that vid, in her videos of Atlas of the heart. So it might not have been exactly 7,000. It might have been a, a few more or few less, but let's say 7,000 people. And she wanted to ascertain their level of emotional awareness. What she discovered is that people really had no idea what they were feeling beyond either happiness, sadness or anger. So she jokes around. She calls it the sad, glad, and mad triad. I love it. I know. So I'm either feeling glad I'm feeling sad or I'm feeling mad and I really don't know any other, I, I don't have any more emotional literacy than that.

Dr. Angela Zechmann (18:48):
So most people just don't have any sort of awareness beyond the sad, glad, and mad triad. So figuring out exactly what you're feeling can sometimes be a bit of a challenge. So if you're not sure, just sit down with a piece of paper and a pen and start writing. So get all of your thoughts and feelings out on paper. It's a little bit like emptying out your closet, so that you can examine them, and then you might find something interesting. So as an example, one time I was feeling really, really uncomfortable. And I had no idea what I was feeling, no idea why I was feeling it and I just knew I wanted to eat. And so it was I, I couldn't really describe the feeling at all. So I started writing and I discovered that the feeling that I was feeling was jealousy, jealousy.

Dr. Angela Zechmann (19:43):
So…

Marchelle (19:43):
Oh my goodness. Yeah.

Dr. Angela Zechmann (19:44):
Who would've guessed that? I was embarrassed and I was ashamed that I was jealous because I was taught from a, a young age that jealousy, a very bad thing to be feeling. So I just noticed that and I acknowledged that all feelings are exactly what they are and they're not something to be ashamed of. Okay. And that's actually a really huge thing to understand. I think many of us are taught that it's not okay to feel what we're feeling, like anger's not okay and jealousy is not okay and sadness and depression is not okay. We seem to be okay with worry. For whatever reason. Worry seems to be a badge of honor for some people. But just notice all of that. Just notice that, okay. Oftentimes this is all it takes to feel better is just naming the at emotion because it brings such a sense of relief to have a name for what you're feeling, that it will keep you out of the food or alcohol.

Dr. Angela Zechmann (20:43):
But if that's not enough, all you have to do is move yourself up the scale a little bit. So you don't have to feel great to keep yourself out of the food. You just have to feel a little bit better and feel a little bit of relief. Okay. So for example, if you're feeling shame really common, by the way, if you struggle with this disease of, of obesity, mm-hmm, very common to feel shame, try moving up the scale to revenge. I always say use revenge fantasies to your advantage if you're feeling shame. So if I'm feeling ashamed or even if I'm feeling sad, let's say I've just diagnosed yet another case of diabetes that makes me feel really sad. But it almost instantly turns to anger and revenge. And I like to imagine food industry executives tied up in burning buildings,

Marchelle (21:39):
Just say, you're going after the food industry, Aren't you

Dr. Angela Zechmann (21:41):
I'm going after the food industry. That's a very satisfying revenge fantasy. It helps me feel much better, right?

Marchelle (21:49):
Oh, if you guys knew Angela, you would, you would understand this is, this is the, it's her mission. It's her mission. to, to bring the food industry down.

Dr. Angela Zechmann (21:59):
Well, not all the food industry, just those people that are telling us that we should be eating crap, you know?

Marchelle (22:05):
Right, right, right. The processed food industry. Yeah.

Dr. Angela Zechmann (22:08):
There we go. The toxic food industry.

Marchelle (22:11):
That's right. There we go.

Dr. Angela Zechmann (22:13):
Now let's say you're feeling stressed out. Blame and revenge are headed in the wrong direction. They're headed down the emotional scale and you always want to be moving up the emotional scale, never down. So if you're feeling stress, it's actually possible to move to peace fairly easily just by taking a few…….

Marchelle (22:36):
Oh, how do you move to peace very easily when you're stressed? Like what, what does that look like? Could you explain that to me, cause…

Dr. Angela Zechmann (22:42):
Yeah, yeah. You take a few deep breaths. That's the first thing, just take a few deep breaths. And what I like to do is to marvel at the fact that my body is actually able to take the breath that I'm taking, which is filled with oxygen. And somehow it takes that oxygen and moves it throughout my body and nourishes it. That is actually a really remarkable thing. When you think about how your, and what's all going on, just, just by taking a breath. It brings a sense of peace. It brings a sense of wellbeing because you're like, wow, this is amazing that my body can actually do this. It brings a sense of gratitude.

Marchelle (23:29):
Okay.

Dr. Angela Zechmann (23:30):
And it just helps.

Marchelle (23:33):
Okay. So, but if we're talking, so I'm going to give you a scenario, like a situation. Okay. Okay. So yeah, life is stressful, you know, I got called, you know, there's a person out at work and I'm covering their shift, you know, mm-hmm, , you know, we're, I'm talking, I'm speaking for, you know, maybe a lot of the nurses out there mm-hmm . Yeah. because you know, they've been overworked and you know, we're all stressed out, you know, COVID is, you know, just stressed everybody out mm-hmm and and you, you know, and, and everything goes wrong on a Monday. Okay. And you're just reaching your breaking point mm-hmm . And for me when, when that happens, the first thing I want to do is go get a martini, you know, because I know it's going to be real…….

Marchelle (24:12):
And it's like instant, you know? Yeah. It's, it's the, it's my coping skill. Okay. It's it's what I know. It's familiar to me. Okay. Uhhuh. Yeah. So trying to change that behavior mm-hmm and to move up the emotional scale, I mean, peace seems like it's a million miles away at that point. Mm-Hmm so so you're saying, so you stop, right, and, and you take some deep breaths, you know, if you can, if you can, if you can step aside for a few minutes, you know, mm-hmm, take some deep breaths mm-hmm and and as far as I I'm talking about making good eating choices here mm-hmm so as far as taking, you know, the deep breaths mm-hmm , then you're in the moment and mm-hmm, basically, it sort of calms you down. Right. Because my, like I said, my first urge is to go eat a donut or, you know, drink a, drink, a beer, whatever mm-hmm just cause I want to, I, you know, I want to, I want to make myself feel better.

Marchelle (25:03):
Yeah. Okay. And because when you're, you're not thinking very clearly. Okay. Because cause you know, stress just puts, puts your mind in a place where you can't, you can't really make good decisions. Yeah. Under stress. I mean some people can, I mean, there there's people that can make good decisions under stress, but like for me, and maybe a lot of other people that are struggling with, you know, like overeat mm-hmm stress, you know, brings bad decisions about, you know, I'm just going to get a freaking pizza. Cause I don't feel like cooking tonight. I can't handle all of it. I don't feel cleaning up the mess. Mm-Hmm , you know, I do want my family to eat healthy, but do I want to clean up the mess because I'm the only one that's cleaning up, you know, I'm like, forget about it. We're going to get pizza. So I don't have to deal with that. Mm-Hmm and you know, feeling guilty the time. Cause I know better mm-hmm but I made that decision because I just didn't want to deal with another thing on my plate mm-hmm right. Mm-Hmm yeah. So, so in, in that case so we're going to take a few deep breaths and then, and then what?

Dr. Angela Zechmann (26:01):
Mm-Hmm so you're taking a few deep breaths and a lot of people don't the don't even acknowledge that they're feeling stressed. So a lot of times it's like they're having all of this, this churning inside of them and, and they're reacting to it without naming it and just saying, whoa, wow, I'm really stressed out right now. Can be huge. Just naming it. Oh my gosh. I'm feeling really, really stressed and acknowledging that. Okay. And, and even talking with someone else about it saying, you know, wow, I feel really, really stressed right now. I didn't even realize just how stressed out I am in reaching out, you know, the steps of self compassion can come in very, very handy here. We've talked about those before, where you're like, first of all, just acknowledge, here's what I'm feeling. All right. And recognizing that lots of people feel stressed and that you're not the only one that feels stressed and it's a part of the human condition to feel that and reaching out for reaching out to someone else instead of I, we have this tendency one isolate ourselves when we're feeling icky, you know? Yeah.

Marchelle (27:26):
We do definitely

Dr. Angela Zechmann (27:27):
Reaching out for for connection with another human being. Okay. And then you mentioned, well, if you do decide to go with a pizza, then you know, you're beating yourself up about that. Kindness…..

Marchelle (27:40):
Yeah. You feel peaceful afterwards. I would feel guilty and I would feel bad that I made, you know, afterwards. I mean, I would feel good in the moment that I didn't have to clean up, you know, the freaking mess after my family again, mm-hmm yeah. But then afterwards I always, you know, feel guilty because I made, you know, a bad decision. Cause I knew that I, I shouldn't have done that. Mm-Hmm and I don't feel peace after that. So that's kind of, I mean, that's kind of what I was getting at when you're talking about. I mean, that's, that's my personal take on, you know, moving up the scale and yeah, like I said, peace seems like a million miles away when I'm, when I'm under a lot of stress mm-hmm and that could just, you know, a lot of home stress, you know, and people right now, I mean the last two years have been going through so much added stress, you know, with the kids going at home and mom's trying to work from home and, you know, do you know, homeschooling there's just, and, and so I've what I've tended to see is a lot of our patients that kind of had their shit together.

Marchelle (28:37):
Mm-Hmm for a long time sort of fell off during mm-hmm , you know, mm-hmm, those times of stress, like the quarantine mm-hmm and a lot more drinking going on. Mm-Hmm a lot more you know, overeating. And so, you know, this is, this is an important thing to talk about is yeah. Is, so, you know, is in, in that moment when that comes like yeah, what do we do to make a right decision and, and stay on track and yeah. Be able to, you know, to, to make the right decision in, in those

Dr. Angela Zechmann (29:06):
There's in the states of m\ind.

Marchelle (29:08):
I mean, sometimes not even a state of mind, a moment it's like stress lasts for a year, you know, maybe doesn't let up. Yeah. So….

Dr. Angela Zechmann (29:17):
Well have you ever noticed that there are times where yeah, it feels like stress, but it doesn't feel that bad. And then there are times where yeah. It feels like stress, and I really just want to, I just want to go like drink myself into oblivion,

Marchelle (29:31):
Right? Heck yeah. Yes. You know? Yeah. Yeah. There's so

Dr. Angela Zechmann (29:33):
What's the difference there? The difference there is, is your capacity for coping. And so and if you are at the state where it feels like stress and you want out that's called overwhelm that's

Marchelle (29:50):
Overwhelm. Okay. All

Dr. Angela Zechmann (29:51):
Right. And cause you're, you're past the, your past, just being a little bit stressed and you are completely overwhelmed. Oh,

Marchelle (29:57):
Okay.

Dr. Angela Zechmann (29:57):
And Brene Brown gives a brilliant description of all of this in that, in that HBO series I was talking about. When you're overwhelmed, you need to just stop, just stop everything and, and do nothing. You just do nothing. Okay. So if you're, if you're at that point, that's when you just do nothing and it could be, you need more rest, could be, you need to just go to bed. But you don't want to be trying to expect any sort of good decisions out of yourself when you're in overwhelm. There's just no way. There's no possible way.

Dr. Angela Zechmann (30:33):
If you're feeling just sort of stressed in general then you can use the steps of self compassion that I talked about, you can, first of all, acknowledge what you're feeling and name it and remind yourself that feeling this is part of the human condition that everybody feels it every now and then, that it's normal and natural and that you are a human being too and that you're next emotions are okay. And then reach out for connection with someone and be super, super kind to yourself. No matter what happens. Kindness to yourself will always go much, much farther than any sort of self criticism. Of course our brains are naturally tuned to want to criticize ourselves because that's how we survived, but not helpful anymore. so, so you want to be very, very compassionate with yourself. So…..

Marchelle (31:29):
It just makes me realize like how, you know, I, like, I guess I don't even know how to label certain emotions. Mm-Hmm , you know, like I've always been the kind of person that didn't like to deal with emotions. Mm-Hmm I don't know if anybody else out there is like that.

New Speaker (31:41):
Oh yeah. Everybody is. And I, according to Rene Brown, it's sad. Glad and mad. Right.  

Marchelle (31:46):
Yeah. That's what I'm saying. That's what I know even. Okay. So, I mean, I'll admit, you know, I'm doing some therapy right now. Yeah. And she, you know, my therapist will ask me so what are you feeling? And, and I, I blank out. I have no idea. Yeah. Like, I, I really, I really don't like, I feel pressure to tell her something and she's looking at me and I'm looking at her and I don't know what I'm feeling. Cause I don't know how to label, like, like that's a thing. Yeah. Like being able to describe the emotions you're in at the, in the moment is I just like, I can't come up with the words, like I said happy or, you know, glad or sad, you know, because I dig a little deeper and I, you know, I got to bust out my emotional scale.

Marchelle (32:29):
Yeah. And so I have some words yeah. To even say, cause I mean, it's, it's yeah. It's hard to describe these emotions sometimes. And we just tend to try to brush, you know, in, in our society, we it's, it's not okay. Like you want to just, you know, do do your nine to five job and you know, and not cause any waves mm-hmm you know, and so it's, you know, we're starting to, as a society, I think forget, you know, we have, we have all these other words to describe our emotions, besides you know, glad, sad and mad, so….

Dr. Angela Zechmann (33:00):
Yeah, yeah, yeah. So yeah. So I'm glad we're bringing awareness to all of this because I think this is huge when it comes to losing weight and keeping it off, becoming emotionally attuned to yourself and knowing what, what it is that you're feeling. So that you know, what to do instead of buffering is huge. I mean, this is, this is why I always say your journey to lasting weight loss is a journey of personal evolution because you really want to do this right. You have to do more than just go on a freaking diet. You just have to, to do more.

Marchelle (33:37):
Think about what you're eating.

Dr. Angela Zechmann (33:38):
It's not, you know, it's not, it's about what you're feeling. It's about what you're thinking. It's, there's so much more to it, so yeah. Yeah. So good. I'm glad we had this, this discussion. So this has been great. So this has just been like a brief introduction to the emotional scale. And remember, you know, we do have a whole program available for you. If you really want to get some more knowledge and understanding about all of this just join us in the Empowered Weight Loss Membership. Just go to jorneybeyondweightloss.com and click the Done With Dieting Bootcamp tab. And that's how you can get started with us. And we look forward to working with those of you who are really ready for this. Many people aren't ready.

Marchelle (34:25):
I hoping some, yeah. I hope we're triggering some curiosity. Cause that's yeah. That's how I, that's how I started is I became curious. I was like mm-hmm

Dr. Angela Zechmann (34:32):
 

Marchelle (34:32):
Yeah.

Dr. Angela Zechmann (34:33):
Curiosity's really good. Right. Curiosity's a really good emotion too. So yeah. Right.

Marchelle (34:38):
If you're curious, just go and check out, check it out, check out the website. Yeah.

Dr. Angela Zechmann (34:44):
All right, everybody. Thanks for listening today. And we will see you with another podcast next week. Take care. Bye.

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Dr. Angela

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